My First Jeans

Well, not mine exactly... But theirs! So impractical... So adorable!

Spray Park

We took a trip to the spray park at the end of our street with Fionn. I cannot wait for next summer when the twins are old enough to toddle around there!! I took way too many photos and couldn't figure out how to narrow it down any further than this...

Fionn riding on Kim as she runs through the park.

Kevin tries to balance the ball in the water.

Eric joins plays with the ball too.

And runs through the park!

I think Fionn enjoyed himself :)

Group Shot

This was the only photo that I demanded everyone show up for this past visit. I just have such great memories of visiting Fionn back when he was newborn and this photo on their front steps was my favorite. I actually like this so much, I wonder if I can convince everyone to do this everytime we gather together? Kim, Sally... What do you think?

Please note that again Nate is bored, Julia is focused on the camera, and this time Fionn takes up considerably more of Kevin's lap! (Also, he has a death grip on the house phone which he was oddly attached to... It even joined us at Friendly's for lunch!)

Cloth Diapers

I find that when I mention that we are using cloth diapers, I say it almost apologetically. I've been trying to figure out why that is. I think it is similar to being a vegetarian. I'm not political about it, I don't care what others do, but for me, it works. I just don't enjoy meat.

However, I do have to say that I love my diapers. I wasn't sure before I used them, but now I can honestly say that I LOVE these diapers. They feel so much nicer, look prettier, and most importantly seem to work better! I'm not out to change any one's mind, but rather this is the disclaimer to go with the very cute picture I took of their diapered butts ;)

Cute butts

(And the whole reason for this post)

Straight out of the laundry

Folded neatly and put away

(Which happens most of the time)

Random Shots from the Fourth

Last ones from the holiday, I promise!

Geese enjoying the holiday too.

Christina & Julia reflected in the window, waiting patiently for the fireworks to begin.

Food on the Fourth

Because everything is better with good food...

Eric holding a bag of Kettle Corn that is as big as Nate.

Fionn enjoying Cotton Candy.

Eric determined to hold onto his cupcake no matter what may come.

Family Photo on the Fourth

I really like this photo of us on the salt and pepper bridge with the Boston skyline in the background. Wish you could see more of the babies then just their sunhats... But guess you can't have everything!

Outfits for the fourth

For some reason, we ended up with multiple outfits for the the babies to wear on the Fourth of July. It turned out to be a good thing though, as these days we seem to go through clothes quickly! I didn't get a picture of all the changes, but here are a couple I did capture.

Cousins

I think the best part of the fourth this year was getting to introduce the twins to their cousin Fionn. He was so great with them and I truly hope that this is just an amazing start to a wonderful relationship for them.

Two Years

**Please forgive this break from photos while I share some thoughts and emotions about this date.**





Today my girls would have been turning two. There would have been presents and cake and balloons, and perhaps even a couple of tears as we contemplated how quickly they've grown and changed. Instead there is silence. So Eric & I created our own traditions to fill the void left by their passing. We have started a Memorial Walk, both to raise money for the charity First Candle and also to have a way to remember that before these twins Nate & Julia, there was another set, who are still very much loved and missed.





Yes, it is true that time heals (although that was the last thing I wanted to hear) but there are some cuts so deep that the scars will always remain. The loss of any loved one leaves holes in our lives and moments that are hard to bear. These remain a part of us for the rest of our lives. We wear no outward signs of this pain though, and so, from time to time, people will bump up against us and without meaning to, cause that pain and grief to resurface.





I find that it is the most innocent of questions that cause me the most hurt. Julia & Nate always cause a stir when out and about and I love to have people admire them. What I dread though are the questions that follow. "Are these your first?" "Do you have any other children?" These people have no way of knowing my history, of knowing about our girls. They are complete strangers pausing to admire and I will likely never see them again. I struggle with how to answer this. At first I felt it necessary to always mention our girls with a comment like "We also had twin girls that we lost due to prematurity." I felt if I didn't answer that way, I was denying our girls' existence. But does the cashier at CVS really need to hear this? Or is it better to just murmur a "Yes" and let it go at that. Does bringing it up and seeing the shock and hearing the platitudes make me feel better? Or just more alone and sad?





How much do I need to share with strangers? Really, it is the people that I love that count. The people who are important know me. They know my history, my joys and my pain. They know that just because I don't talk about it everyday, it doesn't mean that I don't remember. They know that while Nate & Julia are wonderful miracles whom I love dearly, they don't replace my girls. They know there is room in my heart for all four of my children. Perhaps one day if I get close to that cashier, she too will know all this. Until then, I think a wince and a mumble will do.





I hope to see some of you today as we walk the Charles. I know not everyone is able to join us, but if at some moment today you could find the time to pause and remember our girls, that they existed, that they are loved, it would mean so much.





Happy Second Birthday Rebecca and Maria.

Fireworks

I do so love the Boston fireworks. The twins snoozed right through it, but we all had a great holiday. Lots of good food and a visit from Eric's family. More pictures of the visit coming soon!